so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
