no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
