My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
