Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
