i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A+ Viking dick
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize