that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
