I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize