She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
