So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
