The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
