If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize