ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
