on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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