he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
