I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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