community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
