Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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