did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
