it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
