i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
