arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
