I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dear god my vagina.
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