and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
