the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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