I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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