It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
