I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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