i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
