it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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