So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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