nut hugger
I'm so fucking centered right now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
