In the future we'll all be gay
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
