I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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