The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
