I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize