you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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