So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
