he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
