This house was built for laser tag.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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