I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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