p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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