He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We left an ass print on the piano.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
