I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
