best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
