I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
