I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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