Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
