She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
