I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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