this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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