every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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