Me. At least after what I've been through.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i out mim tonsoeep
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