He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize