she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
