Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
