he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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