My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
