He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
