I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
