i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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