marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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