Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
