she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
