i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
