Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
