Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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