You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
