I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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