The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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