...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
