I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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