All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
