I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize