I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
