If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
