I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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